Oh Ben. He is just so wonderfully humble about everything. I cannot stomach it sometimes because it makes me feel awful about myself.
Because I do dream of being apart of something so glamorous in my lifetime. I want to be included in something like the Oscars, and I don’t mean that I expect that I’ll be nominated or that I’ll win an Oscar or anything like that - but I just want to be a part of it, that field, that career path. Even if I’m just an interviewer skirting the red carpet, or a part of the crew that helped in the making of a successful film. But my ultimate dream is to be an actor, and I feel so ashamed of it. Because I look at these men (Ben and Colin in particular) and they seem so honest and hardworking about it. Ben didn’t dream of the red carpet scene when he was young and becoming an actor, but I do. I feel like that is a big reward for being so hardworking and that it’s such a bonus to be invited to such an event. And I never used to see myself as inferior in my perspective on the job because I know it’s hard and I don’t want to say that I’m striving to be in entertainment for the fame or the glory. But is that what I’m doing? Am I being honest with myself for why I want to do this for the rest of my life? It started out that way, even before high school, where this is what I wanted to do, and I knew that I had the hardworking dedication to do it if I wanted it. But now, being a devoted fan of so many consummate professionals and seeing how they view their career, they make me wonder whether I’m just a wannabe. Whether I’m looking in the right direction and if I’m going to take it on with the same amount of modesty as they have. I’d like to believe that I would, but I guess I’m unsure of what’s really in my heart.